Pixelfed just overtook Lemmy as the 4th most used Fediverse software.

if people have a choice to interpret something as 1) that a question about fashion is in fact an innocuous question about fashion, or 2) that he’s obviously a rapist and victim blaming and I’m going to call him a rapist (when the entire tone of the thread and community is not serious)

That's on the assumption that the reader sees both possible meanings, though. Most people don't do that, the first meaning that comes to mind is the one we go with. It's a very rare person that will, without external prompting, go 'I wonder if he meant something else?'.

And oddly enough, he was the person to escalate with that explanation, and I was the one to explain it.

From his POV, you had already escalated. Yeah it was due to his misunderstanding. But at that point you were the one with a choice as to whether to nicely explain your actual original meaning, (and maybe edit the confusing line?) or just rage about everybody on Lemmy being quick to assume the worst. Nobody's the asshole here, it was a misunderstanding, but you could have chosen to make it better :)